I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
