her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Two words: nipple clamps
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