If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The police scanner is talking about you again....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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