Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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