I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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