I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
