Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
