life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
