I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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