I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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