The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
