you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize