a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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