So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
