we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
