maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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