I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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