Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
