No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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