He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
