Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
