I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
