You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
