I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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