I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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