i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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