He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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