Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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