Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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