well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
