I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
