WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar