I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
