even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.