Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.

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  (917): i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night. http://tfl.nu/z30p
  Replies (6) Good night (772) Bad night (3851)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.

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  (732): i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that. http://tfl.nu/vsly
  Replies (26) Good night (1190) Bad night (7949)
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  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

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  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (2409) Bad night (7899)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

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  (937): I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens. http://tfl.nu/zmnj
  Replies (18) Good night (6708) Bad night (1183)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

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  (601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019
  Replies (15) Good night (7750) Bad night (1247)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.

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  (401): i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house. http://tfl.nu/foqe
  Replies (7) Good night (1275) Bad night (1568)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.

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  (970): in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door. http://tfl.nu/9co9
  Replies (8) Good night (3388) Bad night (802)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room

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  (719): Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room http://tfl.nu/c34s
  Replies (5) Good night (3317) Bad night (866)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.

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  (318): She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking. http://tfl.nu/r9ow
  Replies (7) Good night (715) Bad night (1960)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!

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  (509): It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me! http://tfl.nu/u8n7
  Replies (2) Good night (1174) Bad night (503)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.

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  (928): You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today. http://tfl.nu/ne6p
  Replies (3) Good night (1050) Bad night (578)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  He can pick locks you know

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That's the reason for the naked stripper

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  (919): Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out (1-919): He can pick locks you know (919): That's the reason for the naked stripper http://tfl.nu/wpbv
  Replies (4) Good night (1082) Bad night (297)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives

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  (215): I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives http://tfl.nu/psy5
  Replies (4) Good night (305) Bad night (492)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.

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  (940): Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me. http://tfl.nu/f1j1
  Replies (2) Good night (682) Bad night (316)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.

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  (732): Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul. http://tfl.nu/smd4
  Replies (4) Good night (475) Bad night (233)

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