Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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