So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
