I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
