one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
