I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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