I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
