so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I still have a little drunk in my system
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
