This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
