how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
