I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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