i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
