Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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