Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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