The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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