My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
