i permit you to call me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
