Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
