Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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