On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
