happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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