You're so nebulous sometimes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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