Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i think i have two assholes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
