Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
a search helicopter?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
