first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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